On doing things alone

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I’ve wanted a husband since I was like, 11. I figured I would go to a Christian college and graduate with a degree and a nice Christian husband. But the thing about God is that He doesn’t give us what we want, He gives us what we need, and what I needed as a 22 year old was not a husband.

So I thought, “Okay, God, I’ll just move on down to the Dominican Republic where the guys are smoking and like their ladies with a little meat on their bones. I’ll definitely find a husband there.” And God just chuckled and shook his head at me. Because what I needed as a 23 year old, a 24 year old, a 25 year old, and a 26 year old, was not a husband.

I’ve settled into my singleness with joy and peace, but there are definitely still moments when I want a husband right now in my timing and in my best Veruca Salt impression. Most of those moments are when I have to do something I don’t really want to do or deal with a situation that I’d rather not deal with. I tell God, “See God! This is when a husband would come in super handy because I do not want to do this alone.

God just nods his head and says, “Okay.”

Last November I got my dog fixed. That was a process I definitely did not want to go through alone because of how sarcastically awesome it all went when I got my cat fixed. I gave God my line – “Husband, please! I do not want to do this alone.” And then a friend of mine drove me to the vet to drop Fred off to get fixed and let me read a book on her couch until he was ready and then she drove me back to get him when he was done. And then for the following week friend after friend drove me and my stubborn dog to the vet and sat in the waiting room with me and drove me back and said things like, “Let me know if you need anything!” I was not alone.

For the past couple of weeks I have been house/pet-sitting for some friends while they’re in the States. On Friday morning I woke up, walked the dog, and upon arriving back at the house realized I had locked myself out. “Husband, please! I do not want to do this alone.

I walked over to a friends’ house, used a friend’s cell phone to call other friends who had spare keys, woke up said friends for the keys (bless the Lord for that forward thinking), and was driven back to the house by friend with cell phone. When I got to school 45 minutes late my principal (whom I had called) said that at least 8 different people let her know why I was late and another coworker/friend was watching my class for me. I was not alone.

This evening when I went to take the dog I’m pet-sitting for a walk I realized the tumor that was on her eye had popped. Ah! “GOD! I really don’t want to do this alone!!!!!” After a quick moment of panick I realized this probably wasn’t an emergency, as the dog had had this tumor for years and didn’t seem to be in any kind of pain or discomfort. I walked the dog over to a friends’ house (the ones with the spare keys, bless them) for a second and third opinion. I was not alone.

As a 22 year old and now as a 26 year old what I needed was not a husband, but a new perspective. First of all, romantic relationships aren’t the only valid and important ones. Second of all, my life is full, full, full. I am not alone.

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2 thoughts on “On doing things alone

  1. I went through a long period like that in my mid-2os as well. And here I am, almost 31 (yeesh!) and still single. Definitely not what I had envisioned, but God has a plan for both of us, and you’re right… we’re not alone. Younger friends of mine still dread reaching my age and still possibly being single, but life is full whether single or married, and marriage doesn’t make life any easier, in fact it often makes it more challenging. I, too, want to get married and have kids, but God’s timing is perfect, and if it doesn’t happen in this life, I know He’ll always be there for me. I’m glad to hear your perspective has changed, as it took me quite a few years to be content where I am, as well.

    1. You’re right! As single women we also have a unique opportunity and perspective to serve differently. We also have so much more freedom! I am looking forward (in faith) to getting married one day but I am no longer in a rush. Once I get married that’s it for life. Ill never be able to go back to my life as it is now. I’m going to enjoy this time!

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