For the past few days I’ve been driving a little blue Aveo around the Mid West. It’s been a nice little trip full of visiting old friends and making new ones, watching House Hunters in three different states (so far!) and drinking a lot of fountain soda. I’ve sat in dining rooms and on back porches, in basements and churches, and even in a Chick Fil-A parking lot. I’ve talked and chatted and laughed and listened and played cards and listened to Taylor Swift’s Red album a lot.
In Ohio I confessed to thinking about moving back to the States maybe one day kind of soon and my sister-friend asked, “Why?” It turns out you don’t really know what you think until you answer that one simple question. Why? So I verbally unpacked that and did a little more verbal unpacking last night in Indiana and realized that faithfulness, intentionality, and commitment are important to me, certainly more important than the next big adventure. l realized that I didn’t so much want to leave the Dominican Republic as much as I didn’t want to feel aimless. As much as I didn’t want to look at this great big life before me and feel like I was just going with the flow. I realized that I want to reach milestones and goals, the kind that come with life, and it’s just taking me a while to figure out what kinds of milestones and goals come with this life, my life. What I do know is that for now those milestones and goals are to be, for the most part, reached and accomplished in San Pedro.
In each state I’ve visited so far (Ohio, Kentucky, and Indiana with Illinois and another trip to Ohio still ahead) I’ve talked with people much wiser than I am about this crazy thing called life-after-college and how nobody really has any idea what they’re doing. We’ve confessed to feeling a little overwhelmed at all of the possibilities and feeling a little underqualified for all of the responsibilities and a little super-excited that we can totally buy a candy bar in the check out line at the grocery store if we want. We can also totally buy things like cats and motorcycles and tattoos because we’re adults now and that’s what adulthood is all about, right? Cats, motorcycles, and tattoos? Right?
Anyway, I am learning more about myself as I bounce from friend to friend, from Taco Bell to Taco Bell, from air mattress to sofa bed to guest room (I really am moving up in the world) and from conversation to conversation. More than anything I’m learning that life right now is more about what I actually want to do not what I think I should want to do. And right now I want to finish a novel and have other people read it. Right now I want to live by the ocean and be a really good teacher who shows my students more of who Jesus is. Right now I want to read as many books as possible while also watching a ton of House Hunters. Right now I want to spend more time studying the Bible. Right now I want to be a better friend, ask better questions, and listen better to the answers. Right now I want to be kick-butt good at the Spanish language. Those are the kinds of milestones and goals that matter to me right now.
Remember when I wrote about feeling full? My life is still full, baby. Full of Love, love, love and life and laughing and milkshakes and all good things.